Ugh. So here's another story, this one is from college. That's 10 years ago by now, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I'll never forget Paul.
I was best friends with this kid named Matt, we'd been close our whole childhood. He had a roommate, Paul, who was charming and hot, who I'd always wanted to fuck, and finally in college I got my chance. We were all at a party together, Paul and I somehow ended up on the couch next to each other. Everyone wanted to get with Paul, but I was on the couch with him. It was going to be me tonight. Drunkenly we let our legs touch each other and sank into the couch together, talking and giving each other that look. He and Matt lived right across the hall in this apartment building, so he invited me over. Fuck yes, finally I was going to fuck Paul! (Matt saw us leave together and he was pissed as fuck. Apparently Matt had been wanting to fuck me for years, oops!)
Paul and I went into his room and immediately started going at it. He studied martial arts so it was sort of like sexy wrestling, I guess you could say. We started taking our clothes off and I couldn't wait to get his cock inside me. He started thrusting himself between my legs and I moaned "Put it in, put it in!"
Do you know how that fucker responded?
"I am in."
I sat up. It was dark so I couldn't see him very well. I asked him what he meant. He said "I've been fucking you this whole time."
At first I thought it was some sort of weird metaphor. Then I realized, oh my god. He's so small I can't feel it. Fuck.
I turned on the light, and sure enough, he had a fucking shrimp dick. I was pissed. He got me in his bed, took his tiny peen out and put it inside me, knowing he could never make me cum.
"Fuck you dude," I said. "You knew I wasn't going to feel it, you selfish little prick."
I grabbed my clothes and put them on and got out of his room as fast as I could. He stood there, defeated. Like a fucking loser.
Matt was in their living room and saw me run out. "Are you ok?" he asked, concerned.
"Yeah," I said, "Paul's got a baby dick and he didn't fucking tell me."
Matt started cracking up. "Seriously?!" It got me laughing too. Paul came out of his room and hung his head in shame.
"I'm telling literally everyone about your tiny penis and no one is going to fuck you ever again," I said to him.
I put on my heels and walked out of their apartment, laughing all the way down the hall.
I called my friend Rachel immediately. I said, "Hey guess what. Paul? Small penis. It's got to be like 4 inches max." We both started laughing hysterically. This supposedly hot guy that all the girls were lusting after... had the most disappointing flaw that a man could possibly have. Word spread, he stopped showing up at parties, and I honestly don't know if Paul ever got laid again.